Tag Archives: joke

The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds

Thinking about sexThe average man

I don’t always talk to Arts students but…

I don't always talk to Arts students but when I do I ask for a large fries.

Look! I found a photo of your girlfriend topless!

Look! I found a photo of your girlfriend TOPLESS!

New Royal Family Portrait Released

In the latest attempt to keep the image of the British Royal Family fully up-to-date, a new official image of the immediate family has been released:

Royal Family Portrait

Skinny Dipping

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot and they were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was a fairly secluded location, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the nice, cool water.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom”. But, as they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while  they ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

“I don’t know about you,” the rabbi replied, “but in my congregation, it’s my face they would recognise.”

German Joke of the Month

  • Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.
  • “Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.
  • “German,” she replies.
  •  “Occupation?”
  •  “No, just here for a few days.”

Picture of My Wife.

The police came to my door last night holding a picture of the wife. They said “is this your wife, sir?”

Shocked I answered “Yes.”

They said “I’m sorry, sir, I’m afraid it looks like she’s been hit by a bus”.

I said “I know, but she has a lovely personality”

Testicle Therapy

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise. “Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,” she told him.

“Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands slowly and carefully inside. She then administered a tender and skilful massage for several long moments and softly asked “‘How does that feel?”

“Feels wonderful,” he replied, “But I still think my thumb’s broken!”

The Shower

A sex therapist was having lunch with a friend.

“I just read a survey that said 90% of adults masturbate in the shower; the other 10% sing,” said the sex therapist.

“Really?” asked her friend.

The therapist nodded and asked, “Do you know what song they sing?”

Her friend shook her head, “No.”

The therapist replied, “I thought you wouldn’t!”