Got a Kindle? (Or the Kindle App on your PC, tablet or phone?) Fans of science fiction will be pleased to hear that on Friday 24th of February (Pacific Standard Time) the 1st novel in the Astronomicon series, “Voyage of the Elysian” will be available to download for free! Don’t miss this great offer!

Click here to visit Amazon to find out more.

Just imagine going out in a crowded street dressed as a nun!

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”

Maria explained, “Well, Señora, zere are tree reasons why I wanna da increaze. Ze first eez that I iron better than you.”

Raising her eyebrows the wife replies, “Who said you iron better than me?”

“Jor huzban, he say so.”

“Oh yeah?”

Maria continued, “The second reason eez that I am better cook than you.”

“Nonsense,” replied the wife, “Who said you were a better cook than me?”

“Jor hozban did.” said Maria.

Wife increasingly agitated, replied “Oh he did, did he??”

“The third reason,” said Maria, “Eez that I am better at sex than you in ze bed.”

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth, ”And did my husband say that as well?”

“No Señora…….”, replied Maria, ”Ze gardener did.”

“So how much do you want?” asked the wife.

Someone has got to help these women!

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise. “Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,” she told him.

“Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands slowly and carefully inside. She then administered a tender and skilful massage for several long moments and softly asked “‘How does that feel?”

“Feels wonderful,” he replied, “But I still think my thumb’s broken!”