My idea of a Christmas present

My idea of a Christmas present

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Turned on masochist Reindeer

Testicle Therapy

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise. “Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,” she told him.

“Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands slowly and carefully inside. She then administered a tender and skilful massage for several long moments and softly asked “‘How does that feel?”

“Feels wonderful,” he replied, “But I still think my thumb’s broken!”

Slightly off topic, but very funny.

No sir, I do not like to "move it, move it"!

The Shower

A sex therapist was having lunch with a friend.

“I just read a survey that said 90% of adults masturbate in the shower; the other 10% sing,” said the sex therapist.

“Really?” asked her friend.

The therapist nodded and asked, “Do you know what song they sing?”

Her friend shook her head, “No.”

The therapist replied, “I thought you wouldn’t!”

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Husband and Wife

A husband and wife are shopping in their local ASDA. The husband picks up a case of Tennants extra strength lager and puts it in their trolley.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.

“They’re on sale, only £10 for 24 cans!” he replies.

“Put them back, we can’t afford them.” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.

“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful.” replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Tennants and it’s half the price!”

Shortly afterwards there was an announcement over the PA system: “Staff Announcement Clean-up on aisle 12, we have a man down.”

He never knew what hit him!!!