Finally, after 3 years, their T-shirts become funny!

Finally, after 3 years, their T-shirts become funny!It took Dwayne and Steve three years of wearing their Google T-shirts to
parties before this photo opportunity paid off, but it was definitely worth the wait!

Blonde on a Plane.

A plane is on its way to Edinburgh, when a blonde in Standard Class gets up, walks through to First Class and sits down in an empty seat. One of the flight attendants watches her do this and then asks to see her ticket.

She tells the blonde that she only has a Standard Class ticket, so she will have to return to her seat in the back of the plane.

The  blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Edinburgh and I’m staying right here.”

The attendant goes forward to the cockpit and tells the pilots that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in First Class without a First Class ticket, and that she refuses to return to her correct seat.

The Co-Pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she has only paid for Standard Class she will have to leave and return to her allocated seat.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Edinburgh and I’m staying right here.”

The Co-Pilot tells the Pilot that he should probably have the Police waiting when they land as the blonde woman simply won’t listen to reason

The Pilot replies, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde and I speak their language.”

He heads through to the blonde’s seat in First Class and whispers in her ear.

She replies “Oh, I’m sorry.” and gets up and calmly returns to her seat in Standard Class.

The Flight Attendant and Co-Pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

“I told her,’First Class isn’t going to Edinburgh.'”

Who else thinks this should be an Olympic sport?

Who else thinks this should be an Olympic sport?Inclusion of this sport would actually make me watch the 2012 Olympics!

Kevin never quite got the hang of being subtle.

Kevin never quite got the hang of being subtle.

Guaranteed way to a threesome.

1 – Buy cheap antique-like vase from pound shop.

2 – Tell your girlfriend that your grandmother left it to you when she died and make up an elaborate and meaningful history relevant to your entire family.

3 – Wait for girlfriend to get very drunk and pass out.  (And end up sleeping at your place)

4 – Break vase.

5 – When girlfriend wakes up, be sitting at a table trying to glue the vase back together, preferably crying.

6 – Tell girlfriend that she broke the vase while she was drunk.

7 – Wait for girlfriend to say “OMG, how can I make it up to you?”

Listen up web site operators.

There are some very basic things to remember when designing websites:

1. Like many people I often listen to MP3s, watch videos or sometimes (as I have a TV tuner in my PC) watch television or listen to the radio while I browse the web. This instantly means that ANY sound generated by sites I visit becomes a cacophony. If I visit YouTube or similar I will pause the main sound source so that I can listen to the video, but sites which start playing music, adverts or other sound as soon as I arrive without my agreement just instantly sound terrible. Oh and when I’m not listening to music or television, I mute my PC’s speakers so you are just wasting your bandwidth.

2. If when I visit the site I am greeted by a full-page advert for something which isn’t your site, I will most probably assume that the advert is your site. If it doesn’t look anything like what I expect (ie I’m looking for reviews of new laptops and your website appears to be a advert for a casino or holiday) then I’ll probably be gone within 4-5 seconds. Displaying a message in tiny print at the top saying “Commercial will end in 20 seconds” isn’t going to cut it. The modern Internet means that I how have an attention span of less than 10 seconds.

3. Do NOT assume that I am from the same country as you (and that goes especially for US based web creators! Less than 1 in 20 on Earth live in the US and less than 1 in 10 on the Internet live in the US). Local references may not mean anything and some phrases mean totally different things in different countries.

4. I have no interest in iPhones or iPads, and judging by the market share, neither do the vast majority of other people who visit your website. Here in Europe almost 97% of the adult population do not have either device and almost 25% of those who do were given it by work.

5. Lists – they’ve been done. I don’t want to see a list of the 10 funkiest camels, 20 longest noses, 100 funniest diseases or 7 largest gods.

6. I don’t know what 101 means. I seem to read references to it 2-3 times a day – it means nothing to me.

7. don’t want a “Green Card”.

8. Crashing someone’s browser deliberately is just nasty. Thankfully I use  up-to-date versions of Firefox and Opera (and I am certainly no fan of the IE series of browsers), but there seems to have been a rash lately of campaigns to deliberately crash old browsers or untrendy browsers by installing code which takes malicious advantage of flaws in their structure. Grow up people!

9. I neither know nor care what a “hipster” is, and it appears from all the variations on the websites attacking them that most other people don’t either. Again, grow up.

10. When you think about it, the word “Cool” means usually means nothing at all. If something is experiencing low temperature then it is cool, otherwise find another word!