Dive or it’s the bear!

Dive or it's the bear!

Sometimes a little encouragement helps them learn.

The new door-to-door bus service had some teething problems.

The door to door bus service had some teething problems.

Goods News and Bad News.

An attractive secretary went into her boss’ office one morning and told him she had some good news and some bad news for him.

“I’m very busy this morning,” he said, “just tell me the good news.”

“Umm…,” said the secretary, “The good news is that you’re not sterile.”

Does this count as computer porn?

Does this count as computer porn?

Funny in the Bank.

I guess we all need a few laughs in this time of financial turmoil.

I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange Yen for Pounds. It was obvious she was a little irritated…

She asked the cashier, “Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat Pounds fo Yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”

The cashier shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.”

The Asian lady snapped back, “Fluc you white people too!”

The Little Black Book

In a small Texas town, the police arrested the local madam and seized her little black book, which listed all her working girls. Each officer on the small police force was assigned a group of names and ordered to check them out.

After a week, the chief held a meeting.

When he called on Detective Summers, Summers replied, “Chief, I’m sorry but I’m gonna have to disqualify  myself. One of the ladies I questioned is an eighty-four-year-old so charming that I’ve fallen in love with her.”

“Damnation, boy!” exclaimed the chief. “I’m surprised at  you, Summers. You’ve been a policeman almost all your life — and here you go, falling for the oldest trick in the book!”

The Horse Auction.

Little  Jimmy attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses’ legs, rumps, and chests.
After a few minutes, Jimmy asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
“Because I’m thinking of buying these horses,” said his father.
Jimmy suddenly got a worried look on his face and said, “Then I think we’d better hurry home right away!”
“Why?” his father asked.
“Because the postman stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mum!”